I can't believe it!!

So as I continue down this Journey of being on the losers bench its seems so crazy to believe that 6months  and 3 weeks ago I was 112lbs heavier!!  Such a blessing!!  As always "to God be the Glory!"  I give all the credit and Glory over to my heavenly father!  With out him I this whole journey would not be possible!!  I wouldn't have the energy to work out daily and make good food choices!  Its still a struggle sometimes to make the right choice about what my mouth and brain wants vs what my body needs!  Protein first my friends...thats how I roll now days!!!  I don't eat a lot of carbs and I try to stay way from bread, pasta, and most starchy items!!
I still have a lot of mental work to do!  The farther out from surgery the braver I get and so far nothing has really made me sick.  A few things have made me nauseous...but not really sick!  I did drink something to soon the other day after eating a small snack and I ended up puking everywhere!  To date (not including my horrible hospital yacking experience) ive thrown up 3 times since surgery.  First time..i ate 1/2 of a grill hamburger patty to fast, 2 time was a non chewable mulit vitamin that made me sick and then the other day I drink some crystal light pink lemonde about 10 minutes after eating a lil something something (im supposed to wait at least 30 mins before and after meals) anways...I paid for my poor choice!  This time it was very, very painful before it finally came it!  But afterwards I felt perfect just like the other times!
So the last thing I wanted to share was this pic!

size 18 pants...i honestly can never remember wearing size 18 pants!!  Amazing!!!  To God be the Glory!

6 months surgiversary!

Hey guys!!  Well..I did it ~~ finally made it to 6 months!  Seems so crazy that its already been 6 months..it has gone by so fast but at the same time..its been a crazy long uphill 6 months!! Does that make sense??  Anyways  6 months and 110 lbs down!!  Yes I said it 110 lbs down!!  I am so proud and so pleased!! I am so thankful to God for all his blessings and gifts and for the opportunity to be able to lose this weight so quickly!  Its not always been easy or fun but I can honestly say I would do it over again!  All of this weight loss is getting us so much closer to the ultimate goal of parenthood!!  Maybe this time next year we will have a bundle or be waiting on a bundle of joy!!
Everyone has been so gracious and so kind with the sweet words and compliments!  I have never had low self esteem but ive also always been terrible at receiving compliments and its really awkard to be getting so many!  Several have asked "how much more weight are you going to lose?"  This question really cracks me up because even though I've lost 110lbs I am still considered obese ~ plus size~ fluffy~pleasantly plump or whatever you want to call it!  So it seems so insane to me that people would ask me this question but after I pondered on it for a while I realized that people are asking me this because no one has ever..i mean never ever seen me be small!  I've always been overweight ~ chuncky~ full figured~ etc..  for example hello... I weighed 240 in the 8th grade!! :)  So the smaller I get the weirder it is probably going to become for me and for others!!!!  Ive never been a normal or average size!   So Slowly im getting used to my new life style of looking and feeling better than I have in years!!  I just hope that I don't start looking older and that I don't get that star jones big head syndrome..thats a real fear of mine!!

Anyways ~~  To God be the glory friends!!  To God be the glory!!

260's

When I weighed in this morning...i saw..with my big brown eyes...a big 269.6 on the scale!!!  I can't tell you how happy and excited that makes me!! That means I ve lost a total of 88lbs!!  269.6..do you realive that means that I am only 70lbs away from ONEderland??  How crazy!!  I realize that 70 is a lot of weight but when I think about were I started ....and that ive already lost 88lbs..70 seems much more obtainable!!!  I feel so blessed to be given this opportunity to have had this surgery!  It has not been easy...working my butt off and always being mindful to make good choices even when I really don't want to...but thus far in the game its been worth it!!  I pray that God will continue to allow me to fight back temptations and help me make good choices!  Thanks for all the love and support!! 

Food addiction!

A few weeks ago I had a discussion with my BFF and I asked.."So do you think that I had a food addiction?"  She said.."yes!"  I have to admit I was totally shocked!  I mean I know that I have been super morbidly obese my entire life but honestly never thought I had an addiction!  She went on to explain that I was always looking for a reason to celebrate with food...and that I was always trying to reward her kids or take her kids out for treats...now keep in mind..when she told me this I was still in shock...me??  Food addiction??  Never!!  Fast foward to this week ~~~  I realized..as I reached for the cheetos that I had bought for the kids and left in my pantry that maybe Bri was right!  Im finding it increasingly harder to want to make good choices now that I am 19 weeks post op and 85 lbs down!  Yes I said -85lbs!!!!  I have been still been doing pretty good and I don't know if its just because Im comfortable or what..but I find myself craving crazy junk food!  A few times I have even had PIZZA..yes I said Pizza..now in my defense I was only able to eat 1/2 to 1 whole piece vs. 4 or 5 piecs at a time like I used to eat but still..i can't believe I let me self eat pizza!!   Sadly cake and ice cream chewed up well..will go down just as smoothly as grilled chicken --which is scary if you don't watch it!  I had read and watched several Video blogs were people have talked about not having any cravings...or hunger pangs...or they would say.."I don't even want the bad stuff anymore!"  I don't know what super powers their surgeon used..But I seriously came out of surgery hungry!! lol!!  I still have cravings..I still want to eat...i get hungry and as hard as it is to admit..i guess I still have that same 'ol "food addiction!" :(!
So admitting it is the first step right??  So I admit it..I Sarah Harrison Robison admit that I have a food addiction!  whew...that felt good...news is out...so now I just have to move forward!
I knew from the beginning that surgery was not a quick fix...i knew that I would still have  to make the right food choices and work out!!  Which is one of one of the reasons I decided on the VSG surgery because I knew that I would have to be responsible and accountable and work hard to lose weight!  I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I knew I needed the change!
 so Yeah  I'm 85 lbs down..Im so proud and I feel so good about it and I know that food and losing weight will always be a struggle for me!  So what's my problem...i think Im just sad...I think I may finally be starting to mourn food!  How sad is that!  I actually got really angry last week watching my friend eat a bag of chips in front of me...i mean I even kicked and stomped my feet...now that is classy!!  Then the week before that when I had a really bad day...I came home and immediately wanted to eat something bad...then I started getting upset and almost crying when I realized that I could not do that again really classy!!
So bottom line...please don't look at weight loss surgeries as easy fix..its an awesome and helpful tool..but it can't fix the problem in my head!!  Praying for peace, guidance and for God to continue helping me make smart choices!!  As always...to God be the glory!!

sorry its been so long!!

I know it's been forever since I posted last but things have been crazy busy!!  CRAZY BUSY!!  Lots of birthdays, working late hours, VBS, Lots of company, doctor's visits, Excercise (yes..i am still working out) --go me..and then tryin to find time for my sweet hubby and then somewhere in there...rolling in some sleep!!!  I am that person that gets annoyed with bloggers when they don't post often enough for my liking and then look at me...i guess its just safe to say that we are all busy and our main prorites do not include this our blogs :)! 

So first things first..updates...currently as of this morning I am down...drum roll please... -72 lbs!!  Crazy..i know right..72lbs in ..hold on..i gotta do the math..in 15 weeks...how crazy is that!!  Last night at this Cardio strengthening class I take..this older lady..stopped me and asked how much weight I had lost..when I told her 70lbs..she about fell out..it was really funny..seeing the expression on her face!  She said, she knew I had lost some weight but had no idea it was that much :)!!  How funny...I don't mind being the center of attention..but it is weird and sometimes awkard to recieve so many compliments..im not saying..to stop giving them :)  im just saying its kinda weird..I mean what should my response be..."I know right!!"  I think I may try saying that..i bet I get some ugly looks after that!  Or maybe I will start saying..."its all from God" or "its a blessing from God!"  Yeah..that's sounds better than "I know right!"  Here is a picture from this morning:

Here's a pic from last Wed:

p.s. thats a new dress that ive been wearing a lot because it fits!!

I had an awesome mom from work who has lost a bunch of weight and so she gave me a bunch of clothes!!  She has been a lifesaver!!  Without all her clothes..i honestly don't know what i would be wearing!  I don't want to spend a lot of money..because I tend to be going through sizes so quickly!  I started out this journey at a 26/28...more towards the 28!  I am in a 22/24 now!  Some of my 24 pants are starting to get baggy..I mean its crazy how all of this is happening in just 15 short week!!  I am very happy and pleased with all the progress that God has allowed me to make thus far in the journey!!  So in AWE of his GREATNESS and I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel which for me is becoming a mommy!!  I know we still have a lot more weight to lose but my ultimate goal of being a MOM feels so much closer now!!  I just can't till the day that I get to hold my sweet bundle of joy in my arms and remind my self that all of this hard work..has been totally worth it!! 

The last couple of years struggle with fertility problems..I often went to the book of Samuel to read about and study the story of Hannah!  I feel like most who have had these struggles probably know this story well..because it serves as a source of comfort to be reminded that God is hearing our cry and plea for children and will one day answer that request!  So I leave you with a great verse from that story!! 

 A cry from Hannah:

 "And she made a vow, saying, "Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head." 1 Samuel 1:11

So many times..i prayed this prayer...well except for the razor on the head part!!!  lol!! 

To God be the Glory!!!







12 weeks on the losers bench!

Well...here I am 12 weeks exactly from the day I had surgery and I am -64 lbs!!  Seems so strange that I am saying that but it's true!!  I can finally start to see a difference and I feel better and exercise has become so much easier!  Today while waiting for a friend...she told me that when she pulled up she thought it was my car but didn't think it was me because..get this "my face was so skinny" lol!!  I think she was serious.. either way it totally made my day and cracked me up!  All the clothes that were just "fitting better" are finally getting "too big" and I am faced with the decision to either buy some new cheap clothes or have someone try and alter my old ones : /!  Honestly I may do a little a both!  I just know I don't want to be out a lot of money on clothes that may not fit for very long!

So this picture is from a few days ago ~~~ please ignore the big..white Bra...that is so classy!!
So my next goal is lose 100 lbs which may take forever but it seems so much more attainable with it only being 37 lbs away!!  Yes..I said that with a smile on my face!!  
What am I eating these days? ...well my friends..lots..lots and lots of protein!  I eat a lot of fish, chicken, eggs and cottage cheese!  Still only eating a few ounces at a time but overall I usually feel very satisfied!  Im eating about 3 to 6 small meals a day!  Every day is different depending on how hungry I get and how well I packed for myself for the day!  Having a traveling work job is not super duper ideal for WLS patients!  But we make do!  :)
What am I doing to workout?...well my friends...usually about 30 to 40 minutes on the elliptical or treadmill.  I have also been taking a Aerobics type class at sidelines and if I haven't exercised and don't want to get back out..i usually do an exercise video like the biggest loser or walk away the pounds or ride the stationery  bike (yes I know you are jealous we have a stationery bike)!  I have also been using some weights at sidelines and at home...still super worried about my saggy saggy skin!  
What am I drinking?....Water..Water..Water...Water...Also I like to use Crystal light flavors...currently peach tea is my fav!  I have also been drinking tea...which is strange because I don't drink tea!  


Guess what...my hubby is doing great too and he has lost about 15lbs!  I am super proud of him and he hasn't drank a soft drink since the day that I had surgery!  He is the best and has been very supportive and complimentary!  
ok...I know that some reading this blog may have questions...I started keeping this to be helpful to others and a way to keep up with my progress!  So if you have questions that you don't want to ask on the blog..please feel free to message me on facebook at  

	sarah.h.robison@facebook.com

 Love to help in any way!  


Praising God daily for his blessings!!!!

Bam!! First goal met!!

My very first goal was to be under 300... And this morning when I weighed it was 299!! This is such a special accomplishment!! So now I've lost a total of - 58lbs!! I guess my next goal is to loss 100lbs!! I only have 42lbs to go..that actually sounds attainable!! Thanking God for his goodness!!

This just in...

Whoot whoot!  Down -51 lbs!  I feel so good and blessed!!  Just needed to share!!!

ok..one more with pics

Leaving Hospital

-28lbs

-38lbs

-44lbs

 I wish I knew how to put all these pictures..super close together to make an awesome collage..but im not that good..maybe one day!!

a few pics..be warned the pics are not that great!!

Look at those baggy shorts...actually they don't look so baggy here...Briana told me today that  these shorts look really bad!!  So trust me they are baggy!

So here it is..2 months out!!  :)  -44lbs!!

I

2 months on the losers bench

Well..well..well. Here I am 2 months out! I can't believe that 2 months ago yesterday..I was having surgery!! I feel so blessed to be two months and I'm very thankful that those first days are over!!!! I am especially proud to say that as of this morning..I am -44lbs!! Awesome!! I was going to post a baggy pants picture.but I think I'm gonn a have to do it later cause I can't figure out how on this iPad ;) I feel pretty good..I went back to regular doc on Monday and had an ultrasound. Turns out I have two cysts on my left ovary..and the lining of my uterus is to thin..which is why I just keep bleeding..I'm on day 33...don't be jealous! So Beth put me on a low dose birth control..hoping to make it all stop..so we will see I got back in a month to see if the cysts are gone! Anyways..-44.... Makes -50 seem so attainable!! To God be the glory!!

He always knows what I need

Isn't that just like the heavenly father to give us exactly what we need...when we need it??  This afternoon after working out I ran to walmart...btw..I HATE WALMART!!  I was chatting it up on the phone with my BFF when there was a rat -a-tat-tat on my car window!  When I turned to look it was a lady that I knew from Sharon.  Her mother told her that I had surgery and she wanted all the details because Doctors had recommended for her too!  She started off by telling me that I "looked good" and that she could tell by looking at my face that I had lost weight!  After I filled her in on all the not so glorious details of the past 7 weeks I gave her my number and got out of the car!   When I stood up she went on and on about how great I looked and even called me "skinny minny!"  lol...keep in mind.im pretty sure that I am bigger than she is even now!!  I shared this random story just to say...that I have been feeling so blah, fat and angry the last week and then just as I least expected it he placed someone in my path to give me that little boost!  I mean I wasn't even planning on going to walmart!  I just decided at the last minute to go! How awesome is that??  Well I say it is pretty awesome!!

I feel fat

I know that title probably just cracked u up....I mean you realize..that even after losing 40lbs..that i am still considered super morbidly obese (I did not make that term up it's a real thing)! The last couple of days..I haven't felt like I've lost much weight..I just feel blah!!! It possibly could be attributed to my crazy hormones and the fact that I am now on day 26 of my period (yes I called and I have an ultrasound scheduled for Monday)! Before I stArted typing this blog..I read a sweet comment that a dear sister in Christ wrote on my last entry it made me cry and also made me feel guilty for feeling this way!! I know how incredibly fortunate I am and how blessed that I am that God has allowed me this great opportunity to change my life! I am so grateful..and will continue to praise him through every emotion..and crazy hormonal storm...and hardship along this journey! I just needed to share how I was really feeling so that I can hopefully help someone else who might be considering this path! Being honest on here will also be so helpful..when I look back to track all my progress! Glory be to Jehovah God!

40lbs..

That's right..I've lost -40 lbs! I'm not sure when I mis calculated but last week I said I had lost -38... But it was more like 36...in my defense I am terrible with math!! I can for real without any doubts say that I have officially lost -40lbs!! This amazes me especially when I am on day 22 of menstrual cycle! I know that is crazy but I went to the doc last week and she has given some medication to stop the bleeding but so far it has not helped..I'm supposed to call doc back Monday if It still hasn't stop by then!! Overall I am feeling pretty good and i am just trying to balance this new life along with everything else that is are going on! I'm constantly trying to make healthier decisions besides just eating healthy and exercise....I'm also parking a little farther away...taking the stairs...riding my stationary bike while watching my tv shows...etc!!! The big news is that I finally ran on the treadmill for the very first time ever!! I was nervous and scared to do it...I was afraid I would fall off or that others around me would say bad things..but it wasn't so bad...I did it alomNg with the C25K..so it was only 60 seconds at a time and I only did 3 of the 8 runs..actually running!! But it empowered me to keep trying it!! Ok one last note...I just finished a very emotional Dr. Oz about women who are struggling with aneroxia..it was very sad, and disturbing!! Dr. Oz started off by saying,"when was the first time someone told you that you were fat?". This got me to thinking..again about my childhood..I honestly don't remember ever being made fun of as a kid and I've been chunky since I was between 2 and 4!! I can remember there were kids that were a lot smaller than me but still considered to be "pleasantly plumb" That got hassled and teased all the time for their weight!! I don't know why I was never picked on....I've thought about it a lot maybe it was because I was such a confident person that they knew their negative words would not effect me or maybe they did but I blocked it out..or maybe since I was such a "good" "nice" girl they couldn't make fun of me..but I really don't know!! I think the first oerson to ever tell em i was fat wqs an adult! I think i was seriously an adult before I thought I might have a weight problem!! I found that adults were much more judgmental and eager to let you know that you are up to par!!! It took me 8 years to finally make this hard decision...I realized I couldn't lose the weight on my own and that I needed to be healthy.And .fertility problems eventually sealed the deal for me! Through prayer and God's mercy..this thought finally became a reality!! But...... I say all this to say..those sweet ladies with anorexia break my heart...and even though I am so happy and pleased to have lost 40 lbs so far and I went through drastic measures to do it...in comparison to anorexia..I would choose to weigh 357...any day instead!!

6 weeks on the losers bench!

The last 6 weeks has really flown by quickly!!  I can't believe that in 6 weeks I have lost -38 lbs!  I am finally starting to notice a little in some of my clothes...finally had to put away 2 pair of shorts and a dress that is a little too big! How exciting!!!  I am super duper pumped about that..and supposedly today must have been a pretty good day because several people at church and at mom and dads said they could tell that I had lost some weight..so here's a pic:

Honestly I don't see it...maybe a little in my face..that you can't see because of my phone..please ignore my dirty room..lol..and the bra hanging on the door knob!!

So lets talk about head hunger...i read about it and I heard a lot about it...I honestly haven't had to much of a problem with it..but this passed week I did experience it some and while shopping at Walmart late Thursday night..I really felt sad!  I guess you could say that I was mourning food!!  I was there forever and I found myself buying more deli meat and yogurt just because it was something I could control and eat!  I mean technically I can have whatever well..within reason..but I need so little food to feel me up that I really have to be careful and make sure that I am eating the right stuff, so that I am getting enough protein, etc..etc..etc!!  I have never really been a junk food junkie or anything....but I guess I just miss eating whatever I want..when I want..instead of thinking it all through so much!!  Making sure that I don't eat 30 mins before or after!!  I am also a bit tired of eating so much meat!!  Sadly I have never been a huge meat eater and this was one of my biggest fears about having this surgery!!  I can honestly say i've proud that I have lasted this long with no problems!  I am sure all of this will get better..im just feeling a bit down!  So excited about what the next six weeks will result in!

Im to young to feel so old!

I've been working out pretty regularly since Sept last year!!!  There have been a few weeks where it was not as often and of course there was about a week or two after surgery where I wasn't doing a whole lot except slow walking!!
So this week I was feeling rather Spunky and decided to "bust a move" on the workout "dance floor!"  I've been running the C25K on the elliptical and lifting weights ....tried taking a Pilates class...and did some crazy workout that Briana  made up ..including weights, lunges, leg lifts, and some calf workouts!  So my body hurts and when I get up from sitting ..I find my self walking around just like My Aunt Lou used too!!
 My left leg hurts, My right calf hurts, My right foot hurts, my arms hurt, my lower abs hurt, and my abs on the left side hurt!  So yeah..good times..on the brighter note ... I lost a few more lbs!  So now the grand total is -31lbs!
I just can't wait to finally feel some "post workout swagger" instead of hoping that I don't fall down the stairs after my workouts...aww..one can dream!!!

1 month on the losers Bench!!

It's hard to believe its been a month!!  I feel so blessed to feel so much better than I did just one month ago!!  I finally went back to work this week..which I was dreading terribly and after Monday I couldn't believe that I had gone back (I was in pain) but by Friday I felt better and it was so good to see my sweet, sweet kiddos again!!

I am also proud to say that I finally broke through my 3 week stall!!  I had heard so much about that stall from video blogs and from obesity.com I honestly just thought those people were not following the rules..but the 3 week stall is a real thing!  Apparently your body is losing so much weight so fast that by the 3rd week ..it says...hold up, wait a minute!  I am just happy that it finally passed!!  As of this morning I am finally under 330! I almost cried and I immediately gave praises to my God because it has been its strength and mercy that has carried me this whole way!   My total weight loss so far has been -28lbs so if you are doing the math in your head that means..i started out 2 weeks before my surgery weighing 357.  So 1 month down..almost 30 lbs lost..it feels awesome!!  My first goal was to get under 330...and my second goal is to weigh under 300!!  This is going to be such a long journey but I know that all things are possible through Jesus Christ!  Do I use that same verse in all my blogs?  I feel as though I do..but you know what??? That's ok..because its to true not to share!!
ok..so last tuesday..when I got dressed at Briana's I put this shirt on..and I was pleasantly surprised..that it fit so loosely so I had to take a picture!

 please excuse my bed head..funny that I didn't even think about fixing my hair before I took this picture!!! lol!!!
What have I been eating??  Well..not very much at one time..but I've been eating about 3 meals a day!  Some days I need a snack to help get all my protein in!  It's hard to get all of the protein in some days...so my staples are:
--protein shakes
--lots of chicken
--cheese
--eggs
--beef jerky nuggets
--deli meat
--refried beans
--shrimp
I also have eat fish, tuna, edemame (there is 11 grams of protein in 1/4 cup..that my new happy find!), oh and turkey sausage!!
I meant to say mention the last blog...that if you are reading this considering surgery or just  have questions..i would be glad to answer anything  you want to know!  Knowledge is power!!  I also have pictures of my incisions if you  want to see..i just didn't want to offend anyone by putting them up on here!!  My email address is
sarlharrison@hotmail.com

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers!!!

two weeks today

Wow..two weeks in already!!  Its so hard to believe!  God is so Good..and all the glory totally goes to him!!  The last two weeks have had their up and downs but overall..things have gone pretty smoothly!  I have no horror stories to tell..ive not been sick..no throwing up or anything! I am still pretty sore on my right side and i am still primarily sleeping in the recliner and  i also have to eat slow as Christmas..but all and all things are going well!!
I have also lost a totally of 25lbs!!  YAY!!!  Which is so AMAZING to me!!  I know that it want continue to come off so quickly..but I am praising God for every pound..ever half pound, for ever 1/4 pound..even ounce lost!  I have gone for years and years and years...with the scale not budging at all so to see even the slightest loss to me is so Phenomenal!!
 On Saturday I had my first eating out experience with mom and dad!  We had gone to the Iris festival parade and afterwards we were all hungry but dad was so sweetly trying to just get me home!  I finally said.."Im hungry..i need to eat!"  Thats all it took for him to realize I was fine with eating out!  I told him that I would have to get used to it sometime!  WE went to Country Korner in Dresden!  I couldn't decide what to get because I knew I was having chicken for dinner!  I finally decided to get Tuna fish..because I knew it would be soft and easy to eat!!

It was yummy...i didn't eat any bread or the veggies..(I can't have raw veggies yet) but I managed to most of the Tuna fish!!  At one point the waitress came over to me and said she could have just brought me a bowl of tuna ..if I wasn't going to eat the bread!  I guess I should have just asked..but I still want to look like I am gonig to be eating as normal as possible!!
Others things i've been eating are...omelets, chicken, deli meat, refried beans, cheese, tuna, ground turkey and turkey sausage!  A cousin of mine brought Ed and I a deli tray full of meats and chesses on it this week!!  It was so awesome because I could eat anything on the tray..and all the meat was soo soo yummy!!
I have got to spend some much needed quality time with my Cami this week!!  She is so funny and at lunch..she can't stand for someone to have something she don't!  So I had to share my lunch!

There is no one I'd rather share my lunch with!!  At one point she took the bowl and turned it up and started drinking my chicken, mushroom, greenbean mixture!!  It was too funny!!  I finally just fixed myself another 3oz and let her have my first bowl!!  

I said from the very beginning of this whole adventure..that no matter what happened I wanted God to get all the glory from all of it!!  Every moment of this journey has been possible due to him and I could not have gotten through any moment and still can't get through any moment without him!!  I feel so blessed already and i know I still have so much hard work ahead of me..but I also know that all things are possible through Jesus Christ!  SO BOOM!!!

I just want to say Thank you for all the prayers, cards and sweet, kind words that everyone has been sharing with me!!  They all mean so much!!  Every day i feel a little stronger and a little better and I can't wait to finally get to the end result!!!  Love to all!!

drum roll please..

Well..i went back to the doctor today..everything went pretty well!!  I was so excited because I lost a totally of 18 lbs!!  That's right I said it...18 lbs!!  Now...the last time I weighed in with them was on April 11th at my pre-op visit and I got so tickled cause the lady kept telling me.."girl we count it all!!"  I completely agree..and Im not being picky..im very happy to have an 18 lb loss!!  I also found out the pains I have been having are totally normal which made me feel so much better and less like something is wrong with me!!
I was also moved to soft foods today..and I was so excited because I've been craving fish and shrimp and my sweet hubby made me some:

He also made mushrooms..it was so awesome of him!!! I was so sad that I wasn't very hungry when it came time to eat!!  I only at 1 shrimp, small mushroom and a bite of fish!!  That shrimp was so amazing and I can't wait to eat more of it tomorrow!!!  

Praise be to God for continue to help me get through every day!!  One day at a time!!

homemade card + love + how wonderful kids are = I want to be a mommy post!

I LOVE homemade cards!!  If you know me very well at all..you know this..and probably at some point in your life time received one from me!!  If you haven't get ready because I'm sure yours is coming soon!  YEs..I'm 32..and I still continue to give away homemade cards!!  I just think they are so personal...beautiful...meaningful...funny and way cheaper than buying one!  I know they make cards for almost every occasion now..but they come at a price. Plus...there is still a few occasions where..you just have to make one..cause you have no choice! For example...When you need a "thank you for thanking me card," or a "My top 100 favorite things about you card," or a  "lets reminisce about my favorite funny or stupid things you've done card."  Personally I just love it...watching the reactions from your loved ones...its just the best!!
This past week.. I feel so special because I have received several homemade cards and pictures!  They are so wonderful..check out how beautiful they are---->

From Owen:

From Lowry and Henry:

From: Sweet Emma 

(there was an activity with her..i had to describe how I would dress for a ball!!)

  

From: Sadie

(check how awesome that Handwriting is)

From: Sydney Jayne

(again..check out that killer penmanship)

From: My Maddie (This one is a story about love and kindness plus a card) p.s. those were her words

From:  Payton (his card was full of inside jokes)

Oh..there was more...When my Doster crew came over for a visit they came complete with cards and pictures galore!!   They just make me feel so special!  I am so blessed!!  Nothing better than the love of a child!!  I heard someone say the other day that a child is the only earthly treasure we can take to heaven!  I had never thought about it like that ..but how amazingly true is this!!  Once again..I'm reminded about how badly I want to be a mommy!  I know that everything happens in God's time..and he had helped me take this first step to becoming a healthier person!  So I am going to try so hard to patiently wait for that blessing!!
Peace and blessings!

they lied...I am HUUNNGRY!!

What in the world!!! That was supposed to be the number one most awesome thing about this surgery was ..the no hunger...but they lied because I am hungry!!! I came out of surgery...starvin...I kept asking all the nurses and such about..it cause it just doesn't seem right..but....no one really had an answer!! I guess when I start eating more protein..the hunger will be so much better..but for now..i will deal with it!! Yesterday I started purees!!!
 I ate my very first scrammbled..scrammbled eggs!!!

Yummy

Delish...i can only handle about 3 or 4 ounces of purees or fluid at a time!!

I can also have Jello...any flavor...as long as it's sugar free!!!

I even had cream of wheat today!!!

                                                            plus..lots and lots of WATER!!  

I am still having some protein shakes...and some applesuace to get my meds down!!  But Im still HUNNGRY!!  Im sure once I start eating "real" solid food   I wont be so hungry!!!  daily im getting stronger and have less pain!!  So things are looking better!!!  I also had some visitors today and so I feel very, very blessed!!  I had some special visitors today too...made me feel so much better!!

My sweet guests came straight up with homemade gifts and everything!!!  

It's been a very good day!!  

i'm sleeved.....found it!

Well...Im finally on the losers bench!  Seems crazy that the surgery protion of this progress is finally over!!  I feel good...very blessed...all the prayers and sweet thoughts and words were and are so appreciated!!  I honestly was so calm on thursday..had a few jitters but everyone was so good and nice and My God was with me the whole time!! 
My surgery lasted about two hours...Last thing I remember was them telling me...they were going to give me something to make me sleep and to take deep breaths...then..i was in recovery!  I was actually in recovery for about 4 hours.  Which is a sore subject for my husband and my brother, they were ready to take someone out!  They had to wait to get me a room and then they were just waiting for someone to put a bed in my room...needless to say..i was sooo HAPPY to be out of Recovery and with my Family again!! 
That first night was rough..I got sick and nausous every single time they gave me pain meds.. which is never fun for anyone..but after having surgery on your tummy is really, really, really not fun!  We even changed pain meds...which made it better but I still got nausous! Friday I still had a lot of pain...but I did lots of walking...and finally was discharged to come home around 4ish!  That ride home was very long!!  We stopped twice so that I could walk around and potty!  I was so ready to get home!! 
Even though I feel better today....Overall the pain has been worse than I anticipated!!  I was expecting to feel crappy and hurt because of gas..and I've had more gas pain..today ...but the pain on my right side has been crazy killer!! The right side is where they took out my stomach so I feel pretty confident that's why it's more painful! Its very tender,sore and painful!  I still have to get help to get up and down out of the recliner but I can use the finally use potty by myself since Adam got me a potty chair that stands pretty tall..so I don't have to lower myself down so much!! Funny..i know..but I'm very thankful for that chair!!  Tam and Ed both took turns helping me to walk outside and down the driveway and it felt amazing to be outside!
I know that each day..im gonna get better and stronger!  Im still on a liquid diet and I have to get 64 oz in each day...which was no problem before but when you can only take 1 to 3 oz every 15 mins or so...it makes for a long day!! 
I don't mean to complain!!  I know that through Christ all things are possible and this is just the first tiny step to help my body heal and help me get on my way..to be healthier!!  I go back to my first post op visit thursday...I just pray that I continue to heal well and get all my liquids in!  Thanks for all the prayers..i feel them daily!

im sleeved

I just typed out a whole new blog..updating every one and give you my play by play on the hospital experience..and I lost it! UGH..Im honestly not up to rewriting it tonight!! But I wanted to say..thank you so much for all the prayers and texts...and phone calls..and the sweet encouraging words from my family and friends..have meant so much!! I still have pain..but nothing like yesterday!! I need help getting up and down from chair..but hopefully that will change! Praising God because I know his mercys are new every morning!!

this is it!!

Well..the time is here!!  I Can’t believe it!!  I have so many emotions running through my head…happy, sad, scared..hopeful!!  Honestly..i feel pretty good..i have a little anxiety but nothing like I thought I was going to have!!  All the prayers are differently being felt because to be honest..i thought I was going to end up being a total basket case today!  Of course I might be one tomorrow..but I honestly think it’s going to be ok.  I prayed again this morning that no matter what happens that God will get the Glory out of it!!  Through his strength ..I have been able to make this choice..and take these steps..which I honestly did not think I had in me!  I know that tomorrow..he will be with me…comforting me like only he can!  I am very thankful for that!!  I don’t know how so many people in this world…face life without the reassurance from him!  Life is so uncertain…so everchanging…so hard…scary…and ugly sometimes!!  Through the heavenly father we can have peace..and the promise of eternal certainty!...if you don't have this kind of peace...you need it!!  Call me i'm gonna have a little time on my hands the next 2 weeks!!  love to all!! thanks for the prayers!

it's here

I have written 1 million other posts in my head to fill you guys in on how im feeling and what im thinking but I've just been to busy to make a postS!! Well..this is it..Thursday April 26th is my day!! The last 2 months has just flown by and I can hardly believe that this surgery is now coming into a reality!! Thanks to the good Lord above I have still only had a few days of real anxiety!! Im sure the day of the surgery I will be a real basket case but I just pray that God sees fit to continue allowing me to feel so good and confident about the whole thing!! I also think that distraction to NYC was just what I needed to get me my mind somewhere else for a few days!! BTW..that trip was AMAZING and a real dream come true!! I just feel so blessed to be giving this life changing opportunity and I hope that a week from now..when I am struggling with it all I can look back at this post and just try and remember how good...safe..happy and blessed I felt about the whole thing.
I had to do my preop visit earlier than originally scheduled but everything went well...my ekg looked good and Doc said that he could feel my ribs which was a great indicator of the surgery being done laproscopicly! So Fingers crossed***
While at pre op they told me I was going to have to do a longer pre op diet than just the one day before surgery!! Thankfully it's more than clear liquids until the day before but As I type this I have a headache and I am pretty hungry! I am on day 2 of my pre op diet and today I have not been in the best mood ~~ im also hungry..really hungry..but by this time next week..i probably want have much hunger!! Hoping this week just passes quickly and that I get to spend good quality time with those I love the most!!
Pray requests are: My health, smooth surgery, God will continue to give me peace, surgeon will have a steady hand, and that they will be able to do surgery laproscopically, with minimal pain, my recovery time will be quick and that God will give my husband and family peace and strength. Please also pray that God will continue to get the glory through this no matter what happens!!
Love to all..thanks for the prayers!

Long time coming

Last night at mom and dads we were discussing surgery..not my surgery but someone elses! Towards the end of the conversation..i found myself saying..."Gosh why would u go through any surgery i u didnt have to?" Lol..right then i realized what i said...and so i followed it up with, "well i guess some will say that about my surgery too!" Then my sweet dear father defended me saying, "Sarah, ur surgery is different and look how long it took u to make this decision!" That got me to really thinking....ya know this whole journey really got started about 8...9..years ago when i attended my very first of 3 weight loss surgery seminars! Now all these years laters...hundreds of dollars, tears, sweat, and research im finally biting the bullet. The first doctor who mentioned it to me...then talked me out of it..after having a very concerned meeting witb my father (unknown to me at the time) he basically asked her to reconsider her position on the surgery for me! Funny thing is finally my daddy is 100% behind this decision! so the weight loss surgery wheel has been spinning for a while i finally just decided to take ride! Ride..ride..slippity..slide ~ sorry to get all snoop dog on ya! PleS

Just one month away

Crazzzzzyy..it is insane to me..that a month from today I will be 2 days post op..and officially apart of the losers bench!! Its so weird because..im am now actually excited (read a few entries back)! In addition to excited..im scared, anxious, worried it want work, and feeling hopeful..that it will!! I know that this change will be forever and that it is a whole new life style that will take time to get used to!! I don't think there is any diet...or advice (no matter how helpful) that can truly prepare you for the days after WLS!! I just hope and pray that I am strong enough emotionLly and physically to get through it!! All the blogs, videos, websites I have read and watch..really have been inspiring..but 2 people had the same story to tell!! I mean some found it super painful..then others not at all!! I know everyones pain tolerance is different but this leaves me concerned about where i might stand!! I am going to go into expecting the worse..even though i dont know what that might be...but maybe those kidney stones have prepared me for this..lol!!
There is so much happening between now and April 26th...I feel like I barely have time to sleep!! I feel very thankful for all the support from family and friends..and ...for all the concerns too!! I'm also very thankful for e busy schedule..and the awesome trip to
NYC..the week before surgery!! I still have packing to do ( been researching advice for that), letters to write (you know just in case), and closets to get ready to clean out!!!
It's all in God's hands ....please pray that I can leave it there!!!

RAmblings...Pity party ...Maybe i really am CRAZY!

Once again..im faced with that feeling..that moment..that heartache...that realization that I am 32 years old..with no children! Its random when it hits and Sometimes is a situation...sometimes it comes from something at work...sometimes it's a random conversation or thought I have that goes through my head..and then its all down hill from there! It started yesterday (though I tried to fight IT) after I visited a new Family (I will not go into detail but it was heartbreaking)...then today I heard of yet another person having a baby (this will be her third)..i don't wish ill on them at all..but ugh!! Its strange and almost embarrasing the horrible ~~ negative thoughts I have and the way I start to feel so sorry for myself and Ed too...but when the feelings come..there is usually not anything I can do to stop it! Honestly they are so much better...now..than they were last year...and the year before!!!
When I was a kid I always imagined I would have a house full of kids before 30...then waiting till I was 28 to get married reality set in..that We would not have a "house full" before thirty but I honestly thought we would have one or at least be pregnant!
Ed and I are so blest and I know that and I love spending alone time with my hubby but often when its just us at home (like tonight)I can't help but long for the sweet pitter patter of little feet!! Its so wierd not having a sweet baby or child around feeding...bathing...and loving on...doing our bed time routine...awww..my heart just aches because I know that we are missing out on all of that!! WE are even missing out on those crazy stinky diapers, sleepless nights, crying, whining, and all the good and bad that come along with having children!!! I know anyone who has faced fertility issues has probably felt this same way..however I wander if its not worse because I ACTUALLY do know what we are missing (to a degree) since often i get to share in these special moments because I am blessed enough to get help with Briana and Faith's children! I find myself wanting to spend all my time at one of these households because then it makes it a little easier..i feel useful and I fell like I get to "play the part" for a few hours or sometimes even a few days! But eventually I have to go back to reality...our childless reality! I know as I type this...I sound so ungreatful ..im really not! Im so thankful..for a loving, wonderful, caring and understanding husband....and I'm thankful for those sweet, special, priceless moments when I get to "play the part!" It's just that my heart hurts...and when your heart hurts...it just hurts!! I wish I could fully undertand what God's plan was for Ed and I ....I pray often that if Ed and I don't have children he will replace that desire and pain..with something else!
It also breaks my heart that my husband feels this way too..even though he doesn't really say that! I use to complain to him that he didn't fully understand (and it is different) but I know his heart hurts too!! When you see the look that comes across his face when Cami Rae comes running up to him..or the careful love and attention he gives her every time she wants him to do anything for her...When you saw how excited he gets when he knows payton is coming over to hangout...or how much he loves to entertain all of his friends kiddos thats when you can see his real desire to be a dad! It just upsets me because he is not only sad for himself but he has to deal with all my CRAZY too! I know that we are not alone because everyone in life has some form of heartache and pain....I know what the bible says about this world not being my home...but....I just wish it was different...I want to be a mama! I know that we still have time but it's quickly passing and we have to wait 18 months before trying to get pregnant after surgery..18 months sounds so long and I will be so old! It just seems like for so many...this part of life comes so easily..it's so very frustrating.... I am having a pity party...(rasberry zerbert)..tommorrow is a new day!

How great is my God!

Early Monday morning.i found out a guy i knew that had WLS had passed (death was non related to surgery) he had some problems..been sick and other issues! Then The last two nights...I've dreamed bout the surgery...weird dreams..not bad just weird...so it's been on my mind ..... I Been feeling really strong about it..but this afternoon my own brain started turn g against me and I started feeling anxious and scared about it!! I started doubting my decision to go through with the VSG (Vertical Sleeve Gastrictomey)! I started worrying about death, illness, emotional and physical issues I'm likely to run in too and then lastly what others thought!! Oddly enough..(I guess cause originally I wasn't gonna tell any body..but it's tuned into a lot of peeps)...for the first time I started worrying about others opinions on it...what r people saying, thinking, feeling.when I tell them I am having is surgery? No one I have told has been ugly or weird about it...but I know so many think negatively ....like it's the easy way out (which it's not..if you have doubts just research it)! Lastly..I don't even care..what others think..but it's on my mind!! All the way home from Martin..I prayed about it...after I got home I googled VSG..for the 10,0000 time...and for the first time..I found this forum called vertical sleeve talk...you have to pay to be a member...but u can see some questions and answers for free...people ask questions and others post advice..it was very helpful...and awesome to read that most feeling the exact same way that I do...having all these crazy thoughts running through their head...so even though I felt like these thoughts were normal it was nice to read that others we're concerned about the emotional changes and stress they were ether afraid of or had already lived through!! After all that refreshing reading...I log into Facebook and received a very loving, sweet message from a dear cousin..telling me he will support any decision I make!! It made me cry!!! Then I realized how awesome is my God!!! He is always giving me what I need..when I need it!! So tonight as I lay my head on my pillow..I will be thanking and praising my amazing..loving ..God!! I am unworthy of his goodness!!!

what??????

Today...I found myself once again..defending my new hair cut...i know it makes my face look fatter..but it's not like i have really beautiful hair...plus it is just hair people.. and it will grow back!! Anyways..so when i'm faced with the question.."So, why did you cut your hair?" I just start spouting off all the reasons ...1. ready for a change 2. starting to get hot out side 3. dead ends...all which they were unimpressed by..and then I let it slip..the biggie..the real reason why..i cut off my hair....4. well, im also having surgery in April..I just felt like shorter hair would be easier to deal with after surgery 5. there is a big chance with this surgery im going to loose a lot of hair..i just thought shorter hair would be deal with this better!
******* So some backgroud..before I go on..im having this conversation...in front of three girls. Two that I know the othere I do not. I already knew that one of the girl's mother had weight loss surgery. Because when I found out last year..i couldn't believe it because this women was not very overweight. Maybe like 50 or 60 lbs (which i know for some people reading this might seem like a lot)..but not near as big as most people that have these surgeries. If I lost 50 or 60 lbs it would be great but I would still be morbidly obese. I have never talked with this girl about her mom's surgery but everyone that have talked with me about it also could not believe this women was big enough for weight loss surgery. *****
So after I listed all my reasons...they asked what kind of surgery I was having and I said weight loss. The one girl said well my mom had that (the one I knew) and then she said..her mom did too (the one I didn't know)! She went on to tell me her mom had a Gastric Bypass (which im not having) and that she was happy with the weight she lost..but for a while her mom was wishing she would have just gone on a strict diet instead of having this surgery. She said her mom had lost weight on her presurgery diet and for a while wished she had not gone through with the surgery. WHAT??? What am I supposed to say to that?? I was thinking...well..maybe it's because your mom was not that big to begin with...maybe she should have been trying to lose weight in other ways than just the presurgery diet!
**** let me also just say that I really, really, really like the girl I was talking with today a lot..i was just frustrated...and not feeling well...PMSing..on top of that...there was the I didn't know what to say next factor*****
Well, I have basically been working out...and trying to eat healthy since Sept...and I really didn't loose any weight..i pretty much bounced around the same 6 lbs!! I've been overweight my whole life...i was small toddler but between the years of 82 and 84 (ages 2 to 4)..somewhere along the way I chuncked up!! Sure there have been times I wished I was smaller but I've never really been sad or dispressed about my body image...it really only started bothering me...when I started not feeling well...having to be on something full time for my Blood pressure..and struggling to become pregnant over the last 2 years...so it's time..it's so time!! I hope and pray that things go smoothly and that I have no regrets..like that woman did!! Maybe she just thought that surgery was going to be the easy way out..but its anything far from it...it should be a very strict life change!

Can u hear me buzzing...im as Busy as a bee

The last couple of weeks have been so very busy! I haven't had time to even think about blogging...even now...as I write this I'm babysitting ...3 of my most precious treasures (cami is asleep - which is why I got a moment to spare)! Even in the random spare moments I have I have been trying to fill them spending time with those I love the most! My eating has been sparatic and my exercise this week has being pretty non-exsistent..which I know is terrible...but honestly..there has been no time! I feel like all of my being so busy is just one of the ways that God has answered my prayers about giving me peace and helping me not to worry about the surgery because there is no time for worrying!! Sure there are random moments i think about it but it's not always on my mind!! When my dear sweet friends ask about it..they always say, "are you excited?" which is such a weird question to me..because honestly I haven't really thought about it in that way...and the crazy looks i give them i feel bad for but it keeps cracking me up that is the question i keep getting. So now your asking yourself, "hmm..i wonder if she is excited?". Lol. Well I have been trying to come up with a better answer then..um ..(proceeded by a weird face I make!). So I think instead of doing that...I'm just going to say "not yet." that sounds better..than "um (weird face)" right? When I think of all the pros..(see a different blog below) then yes i do feel a little excited but honestly.....I'd rather feel confident.....safe....loved....then if everything goes smoothly with no complications..then maybe I will have room for EXCITED! Soooooooo...go ahead ask....

Friend: "so Sarah are you excited about surgery?"
Me: "not yet, but hopefully after it's over I will be."

See..how much smoother that is...lol
Please continue to pray for me, the surgery, the smart, smooth and confident surgeon, hospital, the staff and my family! Thanks..love to all!!

Omen, awesome gift or distraction??

Today I got the text from my boss Lori that she wants us to go to a training in New York for a training!! For those that don't know..that has been my biggest dream!! I love New York ..i've always wanted to go, I talk about it, I dream about, I buy stuff that says New York even if I don't need or even if I can't wear it! I have always had a mild obession! So this Trip for me is such an amazing opportunity! Actually since confirming my decision to go through with surgery..Briana Promised me that she would take me to NYC after I lost weight!

SO..this free work trip is a really, really, really big deal! The trip is April 18, 19, and 20th...that is the very week right before my surgery!! Wowzers! My first thought was that this was an omen I was not going to live through the surgery...then I started to thinking maybe this trip is supposed to serve as a distraction...so I want be sitting around...worring...thinking negative and feeling sorry for myself!

Ethier way...I just feel very blessed that God is allowing me the opportunity to go on this work trip!! It feels like such an awesome gift!!

"I get so emtional BABY" (sung in my best Whitney Houston Voice)

So today I got a phone call from Raylean. She is my Case manger for Blue Cross Blue Shield. She will be following my progress before and after for about 5 years out of surgery. It is a super neato thing. She called today to confirm and ask me a lot of thing like ~~ did Doctor talk about Wound care, and prepare inform me of every detail of surgery. She told me about potential for blood clots...asked how much I weighed and then wanted to make she I still had high blood pressure, high cholestroial, and PCOS. Then she asked if I had a advance directive or a Living will. I told her I didn't know what a Advance directive was (I called my daddy tonight and found out) and that I didn't have an official living will but that my Hubby knew my wishes. She told me to make sure that was something we talked about (which we did after I got home from work)! Funny thing is I had already been thinking about this stuff..and I had even decided I was going to go ahead and plan out most of my funeral so that would be something my family wont have to do in the event that I don't make it through surgery. But when she talked to me about it and asked me those questions..it really upset me and I cried all the way home from Paris. I know there could be potential complications with any surgery..and I know this *vertical sleeve gastrictomy* (which im having) is way less invasive than the gastric bypass (not having) but still things happen! I know if its my time to go..its my time to go but I just want My Babies (payton, cash, maddie, emma, Cami and Owen) to understand this too. I want to be able to justify this surgery for them...but Its hard knowing that im choosing to go through this ..as apposed to a surgery like gallbladder, heart surgery or something like that where you don't have a choice! I know I need to do it..I know that I cannot lose weight on my own and I need this tool..but how do you explain this to a 14, 12, 7, 6 and two two year olds?? I want them to remember me..I want them to remember how much I love each of them more than life itself and how my happiest times are when we are together! I want them to know that a big reason im doing this surgery is so that I can watch them grow up...graduate, go to college, become artists, singers, famous guitar players, scientist, meterologist, get married, have babies..i want to be there to babysit their babies!! I guess though if I don't get healthy..i might miss out on these times surgery or not. I just keep seeing Cash's face looking up at me and saying "why?" Or Maddie saying, "you don't need to lose weight, don't have surgery" I've been praying for peice all day. Praying I can get past all of thes emtionalness (made up word) ..get pumped about surgery!
I can do all things through Jesus Christ who streghthen's me. Phillipians 4:13

2 months from today

Two months from today..is the big day! Today is the first time i've honestly felt any anxiety since I made the final decision!! I think im mostly scared of the pain...and not knowing exactly what to expect. Ive been watching blog videos from those who have done this before me and they really help to give me a better grasp of it all! Its really awesome to have brave souls that made these videos because they have been so good and helpful!
I don't think I am going to make videos because they seem so time consuming! Speaking of time consuming that another fear of mine...I know i've got a long way to go especially after April 26th but I sure don't want this to be ALL CONSUMING of my life....i feel like for so many people it is! I know there are some things that Im going to have to slow down, do better and plan and think about..but I don't want it to be ALL I think about! I mean right now it's heavy on my mind..but thats the anxiety! Im still praying for peace, health and the hosptial, surgeon, nurses, my family..and all the days to come! I would appreciate your prays too!!
oh yeah..i thought of another pro...Button up shirts!! I have a few..but they don't button! I had to quit wearing those years ago (with the intention to button)...so that will be an awesome non-scare victory!!

WOWZERS...4/26/2012

So literally like 25..30 minutes after I made my last post Brenda from Vandy called me to schedule my surgery date!! I was like WHA WHA WHAT?? I was so shook up ..i had no idea it would all move this fast..she wanted me to do surgery in like 2 weeks but asked if we could wait till after April 15th..when Tax season was over..so My dear, sweet, loving, kind, awesome, giving, great friends...April 26 is the date! I am feeling very overwelmed but happy and honestly Im not even that nervous yet! So Unless I chicken out between in the next 2 months..that day will be a life changing day for me! Can you imagine me..skinny?? Uh me ethier...I don't think I will ever be "skinny" but hopefully smaller and healthier!! Good times!

...what i left out..

Funny..The important stuff I left out was...So what's next??

1. Had to Fax her my confirmation number from Insurance
2. Will have to Fax my letter of Confirmation..once I recieve it.
3. Then Bobbi (my insurance specialist) (yes we are on a first name basis) will give my info to scheduling.
4. Then someone ethier from Scheduling or the one of the Nurses will contact me and set me up for Surgery..and Pre OP visit.
5. PRe op visit is where I will meet Surgeon (again for only $500) and with Dietician (seperate charge).

...I can't believe I left this out of my last email...where is my head?

This is my happy face!

Look at that sweet Baby, hard to believe he will be 3 in August.

So ANYWAYS...this morning at 8:38..well I think?? I got a special phone call from the insurance specialist at Vanderbilt letting me know...wait for it...I'VE BEEN APPROVED FOR SURGERY!! I can't believe it..I guess I knew I was ethier gonna be denied or approved but its all happening so very fast (even though i've been working on this for a year!!) I sent that info off to her last week and then she called me last Thursday to tell me she was forwarding it to my insurance..and today I got "the call." My heart was beating so, so, so fast...and I started tearing up! Up unto this point i've totally been on the fence about it but now that I know i'm approved I feel so better about it! Im continuing to pray for God's providential hand and guidance to be surrouding me so that I can make the final decision and know whatever it is..its the right one! My Sweet, loving brother said.."well...if its something you really want to do, I'd do it but if you have any doubts then I wouldn't do it." He also went on to remind me that we ALL die some day! Lol! But that's My prayer is for God to feel me up with no doubts and I will know whatever I decide was his will and the right choice! Thanks so much for the prayers so far!!

*I also thought of another pro -- Crossing my legs-- i've always wanted to do that!!

The Pros and the OH SO CONs!

Pros
1. Possibly having a baby
2. Healthier
3. Living longer..getting be around to watch Payton, Maddie, Emma, Cash, Owen and Cami grow up
4. Being a Healthier weight
5. Not worrying about Insurances covering me..in case I lose my job
6. New clothes
7. Becoming sexier..lol
8. Roller coasters (if I want—but who am I kidding I don’t even like them)
9. Be better on my joints
10. Exercise will become easier (after I lose weight)
11. Probably save money on food
12. Having the hunger hormone to be gone
13. Being able to sit in chairs with arms more comfortably



Cons
1. waiting 18 months after surgery to try and have a baby
2. losing weight
3. Dying from sugery
4. pain
5. Star Jones syndrome (losing too much weight and it making my head look abnormally big)
6. Losing some of my cute clothes
7. Losing my butt..yeah i said it!
8. Being even more of an emotional roller coaster
9. Not being able to eat some junk if I want to
10. No soft drinks
11. Lots of loose skin


I know there are tons more..these are just the ones I thought of off the top of my head!! What do you think?? Can you think of more?? I would love to hear them all..i want to get everything out on the table now....to help me make my decision!

W A I T I N G (say in slow motion..it's much better)

So Waiting that's what I'm doing now!! I have finished up my 6 months of medically supervised weight loss on Monday Feb 13!! I've done the sleep study, had extra labs drawn, met with the nutritionist and the psychologist..and sent all of this information over to Vanderbilt!! So now I just wait! Friday one of the insurance Experts (expert sounds so much better than "lady") called me to let me know she was faxing all of my information over to blue cross for "predetermination!" I've done everything they have asked of me so They should approve me for weight loss surgery but you never know what Insurance company's are gonna do!! IF I get approved then it will be up to me to make the final decision to go through with this process or not! I'm so nervous some days..i think of course I'm gonna do it..and then others..I'm like forget that..i can do this on my own and then I'm reminded again..just like this past 6 months..Ive been trying so hard to actually lose weight and all I did was fluctuate between 6lbs!! 6lbs in 6 months (with me really trying) is not acceptable! This surgery is a big, life changing deal...im just not sure that im mentally, physically, and emotionally ready to go through with it!! I'm praying though..i'm praying!! So maybe the title of this post should have been WAITING & PRAYING..because that's way more accurate! Im trusting in God's love and Grace that something will work out!