A few weeks ago I had a discussion with my BFF and I asked.."So do you think that I had a food addiction?" She said.."yes!" I have to admit I was totally shocked! I mean I know that I have been super morbidly obese my entire life but honestly never thought I had an addiction! She went on to explain that I was always looking for a reason to celebrate with food...and that I was always trying to reward her kids or take her kids out for treats...now keep in mind..when she told me this I was still in shock...me?? Food addiction?? Never!! Fast foward to this week ~~~ I realized..as I reached for the cheetos that I had bought for the kids and left in my pantry that maybe Bri was right! Im finding it increasingly harder to want to make good choices now that I am 19 weeks post op and 85 lbs down! Yes I said -85lbs!!!! I have been still been doing pretty good and I don't know if its just because Im comfortable or what..but I find myself craving crazy junk food! A few times I have even had PIZZA..yes I said Pizza..now in my defense I was only able to eat 1/2 to 1 whole piece vs. 4 or 5 piecs at a time like I used to eat but still..i can't believe I let me self eat pizza!! Sadly cake and ice cream chewed up well..will go down just as smoothly as grilled chicken --which is scary if you don't watch it! I had read and watched several Video blogs were people have talked about not having any cravings...or hunger pangs...or they would say.."I don't even want the bad stuff anymore!" I don't know what super powers their surgeon used..But I seriously came out of surgery hungry!! lol!! I still have cravings..I still want to eat...i get hungry and as hard as it is to admit..i guess I still have that same 'ol "food addiction!" :(!
So admitting it is the first step right?? So I admit it..I Sarah Harrison Robison admit that I have a food addiction! whew...that felt good...news is out...so now I just have to move forward!
I knew from the beginning that surgery was not a quick fix...i knew that I would still have to make the right food choices and work out!! Which is one of one of the reasons I decided on the VSG surgery because I knew that I would have to be responsible and accountable and work hard to lose weight! I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I knew I needed the change!
so Yeah I'm 85 lbs down..Im so proud and I feel so good about it and I know that food and losing weight will always be a struggle for me! So what's my problem...i think Im just sad...I think I may finally be starting to mourn food! How sad is that! I actually got really angry last week watching my friend eat a bag of chips in front of me...i mean I even kicked and stomped my feet...now that is classy!! Then the week before that when I had a really bad day...I came home and immediately wanted to eat something bad...then I started getting upset and almost crying when I realized that I could not do that again really classy!!
So bottom line...please don't look at weight loss surgeries as easy fix..its an awesome and helpful tool..but it can't fix the problem in my head!! Praying for peace, guidance and for God to continue helping me make smart choices!! As always...to God be the glory!!
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