I am one with the excercise...

So I'm really doing it..busting my "honky tonk bu donkey donk" every day to work out. It's strange how a person can work out for like 3 weeks and still gain 6lbs..but Yes folks I Sarah L Harrison Robison have made it possible! I am a little sad..but mostly..im just proud that i've stuck with the excercise..usually I get so discouraged that I quit ... but im not worried so much about the weight loss right now..Im just trying to focus on the way I feel! I have officially take STEP 1 to a healthier me!! Toot Toot..yes that's right I did just toot my own horn!

I just dont understand...

I just don't understand..why working out suddenly became..so hard! You know the first couple of workouts I was so excited..happy and feeling good..the last couple..I've been barely able to make it through..and the thought of going back makes me want to cry! I just don't understand when and where that transition took place and why I can't get my pizazz for working out back! I know it's good for me..and I usually feel better even if its just for a little while..but geez..I sure dread going! IF Briana had not been with me last night..i probably would not have been able to keep going! UGH! On a positive note..i went back to the doctor yesterday for my (6 months monitored by a physician) weight check and I had lost 3 more lbs. So that's a total of 6 lbs in 2 months..I guess that's better than nothing..I can remember back in the day when I could lose 6 lbs in a day!! Good times!

I think I can..i think I can...

This is what I kept saying to my self during workout today..well..it was more..like..just 25 more mins..now 24..now 23...now 22...now 21!
Today's workout was so much harder..I'm not quite sure why...I went in thinking I was feeling good about it..but about 1o mins in..I was ready to quit. I stuck with it but it was very hard! I am sure I'm going to be sore tomorrow!
Then if you don't already know the AMAZING, TERRIFIC ~ JOSH ALLEN ~~ well he is a trainer among his other talents and just happens to be one of my most favorite cousins. He has been helping me figure out the best plan for me and then when I've been exercising he has been very supportive! He keeps cheering and rooting for me he shows me how to do something correctly when I am doing it wrong! He has been so excited to show me all the equipment, introduce me to people, and just get me set up! So for the last couple of days he has been saying.."I bet you've lost 5 lbs already!" Bless him..he is so excited..but I know my body well enough and I've tried losing weight so many times before to know it's not that easy! IT's so sweet he has high hopes for me..He seemed a little disappointed when I told him, after I weighed, that it was the same! THen he made excuses and said, "Lets do it again tomorrow!" That is so funny! I told him that I was used to not losing weight and that I wasn't going to let the number on the scale ~ get me down this time. I want to focus on "health!" I wander how long that will last! lol! Hopefully I can keep that mindset but we will see!

Well...(rasberry insert)!

I was so nervous! The trip to the doctor yesterday was very nerve racking...The doctor and the nurse were GREAT but everyone else was just ok! I cried on the insurance lady (which I felt bad for) but I am a cry baby! After that she got a lot nicer too..and even gave me a hug after talking with me the second time! So I have to have a 6 month doctor's supervised weightloss attempt...which I knew and I thought I had it done..I even brought all my medical records with me. Turns out that since there was 2 different times that the checkup was 6 to 8 weeks apart instead of 4 weeks..it doesn't count SO now I have to start all over again! The insurance company drives me crazy..it's not like I am trying to pull one over them..it's obvious..by all my medical records i've been well over 300 lbs for some time now! ugh! So since I was on the fence about the surgery anyways. I decided that this was best..gives me more time to try and lose weight on my own, be lil healthier for surgery, etc. So if I finally get approved sounds like surgery want be till spring...like March or April! Sad news is it's just that much longer of a weight (should have been wait...lol..no pun intended)before we can attempt to have a baby! So It's all very frustrating!

How sweet it is to be loved by you..

overwelming.....Family is so Good!! God's creation of family was so smart. Here is a group of people who (should) LOVE you unconditionally..no questions asked..but (should) offer love and support for you daily! My family has diffently stepped up the plate on this one! It's just unbelievable! I have been tearing the subject of weighloss and weightloss surgery apart bit by bit but never stopped to consider how important it would be for my family to be behind me on this new journey...even with the occasional comments like, "I won't be able to love you if your skinny" (you know who you are)...help make this slow journey to be even sweeter! My family has stepped up an offered to work out with me or just do whatever it takes to help me in any way.
I Had orginally decieded that I wasn't going to tell anyone if I made the choice to have the weight loss surgery but I've since them changed my mind. Not that I'm going to broadcast it for all the world to see (however I do have a blog..lol) but I am proud of the decision I am finally making to become a better..healthier..hopefully, eventually "mother"ly me!! I'm also interested in having this blog to look back on days when I'm not feeling so hot ..hoping it will serve as a reminder of just how blessed I am..and..how far i've come. BTW..doctor Monday...and today..I went for my 2nd workout ..im tired and I will be sore tommorow..but im feeling good!
ok..now it's time for some shout outs ~~~short ones..

Ed~i've said it before and im gonna say it again..God's hand was diffently in us being together..he knew that I could never live this life without someone like you in it with me...You are also so supportive and loving..thank you for loving me no matter if I way 350 or 140!!

Mom~you always support me no matter what...I know that I can always count on you to be my biggest cheer leader...you and dad have always made me feel like I could do anything..im your daughter..your my mom..what more can I say!

Dad~I love how much you love me..you always make me feel special...and I know you are worried about me being a different person after weight loss...i'm not worried because I know you want let me change!

Adam and Tam ~ Now that I think about it..A lot of my inpiration to become a better, healthier me..has come from you guys..I know it's been a tough year..but I feel like we have all grown and changed so much! All of your support and love mean so much to me....I love it when we spend time together! I can't wait till we all move into the kiddo phase of our lives!

Bri~I wouldn't even know where to begin if it wasn't for you! Thank you for helping me to see..so lovingly... that I needed this change....I would be lost without you!

Faith~i know that I can always count on you to stand behind any decision I make and help me get through the rough days by helping me crack up about something! I always need that from you! I'm so Glad God saw fit to make us family..otherwise..you might have givin up on me years ago!

Payton, Cash, Maddie, Cami, Emma, and Owen~Everything I read and everything I hear is that this change needs to be for myself and no body else..but huge reason I am making this changes is because I want to see you guys grow up! I want to be there for laughter, tears, scraps, bruises, cars, college, weddings and sweet families that you are going to have! I love each of you so much..you have my heart!
I love you!