God is so Good!

Judgemental, moody, mean, ungiving, uncompassionate, unmotivated, tired, not Christ like, negative, and unprayful...really the list could go on and on about how I have been feeling lately! It's so hard to say that you believe in God and are a Christian and go through all the motions but have no heart behind it! I find myself in the pit....my pray life is almost non existent and feel like my life is in a whirl wind! I am so ashamed to be right back where I started with no self growth or life changes even after I started this blog to help keep me accountable. I am so ashamed that even after I went against everything that I grow up believing in and hurting so many people who love and trusted me when I was baptized, that I find myself in this terrible place now! Something has got to give. I made that decision almost 6 years ago to step out on Faith, Trusting in God Completely ~ Believing in Christ ~ I was baptized for the remission of my sins!

God is so good because the bible tells us that, "he gave us his only begotten son, so that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life" John 3:16. The cross should be a reminder of ALL that God sacrificed for us..for me ~~ no matter how unworthy! That alone should be enough to make me want to change this very moment ~ so why is it so hard!

I wish I had an answer.

I don't..... but I do know that I need a change! I am ready to give my all to the cause of Christ not matter what! I think so many times before I have been scared about the path that God might lead me down or the things or people he might ask me to give up ~~ but starting now ~~ I am committing my entire life, my very being to the cause of Christ! I want the world to know how much I love the heavenly father ~ I want to share God's love and compassion with the world!

Dear Heavenly Father,

I humbly bow before you once again Thanking you for so many things ~ Jesus dying on the cross for my sins, my husband, my mom and dad, Adam and Tamara, Briana, Ray, Cash and Cami, Thank you Lord for giving me the opportunity to be apart of their lives to be able to help them and allowing me the practice I need to help me be good mother one day. My life has been so blessed because I have been able to share it with Cash and Cami ~ Thank you for allowing me to know the love of a precious child. Thank you lord for Faith, Mike, Payton, Maddie, Emma and Owen, Catherine, Ed's Parent's, Briana's family (mom, dad, candy, scotty, karlie, cora, wylie, mandy, marc, avery and jace), thank you for my job, Ed's job, Rush, Brance, Tiffany, Emily (baby), W, Ben, Alethea and Baby, DeAnna and family, the people I work with, and my whole family as well as my church family.

Please forgive me for failing you daily, for not putting you first, for allowing earthly and material things to cloud my vision to you, Forgive me for lying, hurting others and for my uncompassionate, unchristlike ways. Please forgive me for asking for blessings from you when I was not putting you first.

Please bless all those that I mentioned that I am thankful for. Keep your loving, sheltering arms around them daily keeping them safe. Allow me to live my life in a way that might be a shining example to them and to others of your love and life. Help me lord not to be so judgemental of others and to see all people and situations with Christlike eyes. I pray that you will help Cash, Cami, Payton, Maddie, Emma and Owen to grow in your love ~~ keep them especially safe, healthy and out of harms way. Allow each of them to grow into wonderful loving Christian men and women that grow to worship, serve and love you.

Father Please bless Ed and I with children. We are so thankful for each other and we both desire for our family to grow with children. We especially pray for healthy, happy, loving children that we can raise in your love that one day they will grow up to love, serve and worship you with their whole heart.

I know that there are so many other things that I could continue for pray about, but I think for tonight I will leave it at this. I love you so much and I pray that you will share your blessings on all my friends and family.

In Jesus Name